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April 1, 2012 – Scientists have discovered a new element that confirms the theory of evolution to be true. The new element – balonium – will be added to the Periodic Table of Elements with an atomic number of zero because it has no protons, no neutrons, no electrons and no evidence that it even exists.
At a press conference this morning, scientists announced that balonium can travel faster than the speed of light. This is because balonium has no protons, neutrons or electrons, so it is, in fact, nothing. And as everyone knows, nothing can travel faster than the speed of light.
When asked if balonium is a radioactive element, scientists said, "Yes, balonium has a half-life of one day. Of course, no one is certain if the day is 24 hours or if it's a thousand years. We should know something by tomorrow."
In its natural state, balonium is reddish-pink in color, similar to bologna – hence, the element's name. When asked what balonium has to do with evolution, former creationist Ian Taylor said, "The discovery of balonium changes everything in the debate over evolution and biblical creation." The host of the Creation Moments radio program explained, "Since balonium is literally nothing, we now have indisputable scientific evidence that nothing confirms evolution to be true."